The thorny issue of money

The issue of money is one that many of us feel uncomfortable discussing, especially when we are discussing wedding ceremonies and arrangements so I thought that it might be worthwhile detailing my approach to the financial arrangements to avoid any misunderstanding or embarrassment.

The Humanist Society of Scotland sets the recommended fees for all ceremonies and up to date details of these can be found here. The current fee for weddings in 2011 is £275. On top of this we charge travelling expenses at 50 p per mile. These travelling expenses are charged for all travel in connection with the wedding so this includes travelling to meetings with the bride and groom in the run up to the wedding. It may sometimes happen that it is easier for me to take the train to get to a ceremony and if this was the case, I would come to an arrangement with the bride and groom as to the expenses incurred.

If a bride and groom wanted to meet with me before making a decision as to whether they wanted me to perform their ceremony, I wouldn't charge travelling expenses for this.

If the wedding is at a considerable distance from my home, it may be necessary for me to stay overnight and if this was the case, the cost for this would be borne by the bride and groom. The same goes for any expenses occurred to get to the venue such as tolls or ferry crossings. I am happy to work out how much the potential travelling expenses will be before a couple commit to make a booking. Travelling expenses can soon mount up and so I would be happy to try and find a celebrant who is closer if the travelling expenses become prohibitive.

If a couple want to have a rehearsal in the run up to the wedding, the HSS have set a recommended fee of £30 for this and there would be travelling expenses on top of this.

Once a couple have decided that they want to make a firm booking, I will ask them to pay a non refundable deposit of £50. The reason that I ask for a deposit is that once I have a booking for a specific time on a specific day then I will turn down other bookings which may clash with it. If a couple then change their mind for whatever reason, I may have turned down bookings and disappointed other couples.

The balance of the fee plus the travelling and any other expenses will be invoiced to the bride and groom a couple of weeks before the wedding. It is much appreciated if the balance can be paid in advance of the wedding day by cheque or bank transfer. If a couple do want to pay on the day - that's fine but my advice is to delegate the task to the best man or some other responsible person. The last thing that I am going to do having just declared that you are husband and wife is follow you down the aisle with my hand out asking for money! Not very dignified I'm sure you'll agree....


If there are any questions at all that you have to do with the money side of things, please don't hesitate to ask. It is much better to get these things sorted out in advance than to postpone dealing with them and causing offence or embarrassment.

To rehearse or not to rehearse?..that is the question.

Many couples ask me about whether it is necessary to have a rehearsal in advance of the wedding ceremony given that there are usually a million other things to think about and pinning everyone down can be a real problem. My answer, as with most things is that it is really up to you. Some couples are perfectly happy to take a relaxed and informal approach, feeling that if it looks too 'rehearsed' then the ceremony might lose some of it's spontaneity and charm. I can absolutely see where they are coming from and for some couples it is the right approach. If you are quite laid back in your approach to the whole day and feel more at home just 'making it up as you go along' on the day then a rehearsal might actually detract from your experience.

I did a beautiful wedding in the garden of the bride and grooms house and it was a wonderfully intimate and informal occasion. As the bride reached the groom at the front and took his hand, their dog followed her down the 'aisle' and curled up at their feet where it promptly fell asleep. As I pronounced them husband and wife and everyone cheered and clapped it lifted its head as if to say "what's all the noise?" and went back to sleep. We couldn't have rehearsed that!

If however, you are the kind of couple who feel more comfortable having control of things and dotting all of the i's and crossing all of the t's, then I would strongly advise that a rehearsal is a good idea for your peace of mind. Things to think about include

• Is there somebody who will co-ordinate the music starting and stopping?
• Which 'route' will the bride take to make her entrance? Is the entrance music long enough? Is it too long? Are there steps to be negotiated?
• Will the bridesmaid(s) enter before or after the bride? This can be particularly relevant if you have little ones as flower girls or page boys.
• The bride and her attendants need to practise their walk as most people, being a little nervous tend to make a dash for it. It is the bride's big moment and she needs to take it slowly and milk that moment in the spotlight for all she is worth.
• Where will everyone stand during the ceremony?
• If friends or family members are reading a poem or otherwise taking part, where will they be seated and where will they stand to do their reading? At their place in the seats or down at the front?
• Which way will the bride and groom face? I prefer that the bride and groom face their guests during the ceremony, until the time comes for the vows and the legal declarations when I ask them to face each other and join hands. After all the guests are there to see the bride and groom make a public commitment of their love for each other - not to see the backs of their heads. If you feel that to face your guests would make you feel so nervous that you would not enjoy the ceremony then of course we can do it the other way. Remember - it's your ceremony!
• After the ceremony is over and you make your exit as husband and wife, who follows you next? Best man, bridesmaids? Which order? Who escorts who?

Having a rehearsal can avoid the situation where bridesmaids, flower girls and page boys mill around a bit at the front because nobody really knows where they are supposed to be. It just means that the whole proceedings are smooth and polished.

A rehearsal also gives me a chance to meet all of the wedding party so that on the day, there doesn't need to be a whole lot of formal introductions and the atmosphere is much more relaxed.

The choice is yours, I am more than happy with both approaches so have a think about which category you fall into - Bridezilla or Bohemian....only joking!!!!